


A lot of fight left in me

by LiteraLi



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Discussions of PTSD, F/M, Hopeful Ending, Smut, post episode: 7x08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 14:29:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiteraLi/pseuds/LiteraLi
Summary: Post 7x08. Oliver gets some relationship advice from a somewhat surprising source, giving him the push to finish his and Felicity's fight and get started on making up.





	A lot of fight left in me

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Fight Song by Rachel Platten  
> Thanks to all the fans whose post-ep discussions helped inspire this work!

There was a sharp knock on the door.

Oliver stood from where he was arranging his sheets and pillow on the couch and walked over to the door to let Rene in.

“Hey, hoss.” Rene stepped inside Oliver and Felicity’s new apartment, his hands full with a couple of bags, boxes and various garments that hadn’t made it into a bag or box.

“Hey, Rene.” Oliver quickly punched in what he hoped was the right combination to deactivate the security system and closed the door behind Rene. “Come in. Felicity told me you’d be coming by with the last of her stuff. Thanks for looking out for her, by the way.”

“No problem, man,” Rene answered, setting down the stuff he was carrying. “Wow, I see Felicity wasted no time in installing the Smoak Super Secure Security System in here.” He nodded towards the screen, which thankfully seemed to have accepted the code that Oliver had put in.

Oliver looked at Rene, puzzled. “You’ve seen this before?” He knew Felicity had been working on improving their security, but he figured she had just modified whatever the apartment came with, not built her own from scratch. On second thought, that shouldn’t have surprised him, but he did wonder how Rene knew what the system looked like.

“Yeah, hoss. Felicity installed one just like it in my place. And then proceeded to work on it non-stop - when she wasn’t trying to stop Diaz, that is. She was especially obsessive about it after Zoe got hurt.”

“What? Is she - “

“It’s a long story. It was pretty scary, but the important part is that Zoe’s fine. In fact, I think Felicity might have taken it even harder than Zoe and I did. Probably reminded her of when Diaz came after her and William in Witsec. She was adamant that no one would be able to get in and hurt us - or her - again.”

Oliver felt his heart drop. He knew Felicity had been working a lot on their security system lately, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, especially with his identity no longer a secret. But _obsessing_ over security - not to mention shooting a guy in their living room who was already down - now that was definitely a result of what she had gone through while he was in prison. What she had gone through because of _him_. He hated that Rene had to be the one to point it out to him. Especially because he should have recognized the symptoms after everything he had experienced himself. And all he had said to her was “this isn’t you”. He should probably -

“Speaking of, where is Felicity? I was sure she’d be all over me, making sure I got every last one of her expensive - and _heavy_ \- pairs of shoes back to her safely.” Rene interrupted Oliver’s train of thought and looked around the apartment expectantly.

“Uh...She turned in early.” Oliver turned his head to look past the living room at their bedroom door, which was still firmly shut, just as it had been for the past few hours. “It’s been a rough couple of days.”

“I see,” said Rene, uneasily. Oliver grimaced. He knew Rene must have followed his gaze and spotted the made-up couch because he was now trying to look anywhere else. Rene finally gestured to the damage left from when the gunman had broken in the other day. “Uh...can’t have been such an easy first week back, having to shoot someone in your new living room.”

“Actually…” Oliver hesitated whether or not to share this with Rene, but honestly, he wasn’t sure who else to talk to about this. John, the person he normally would go to for relationship advice, seemed to be especially busy with ARGUS and his own family, not to mention that there seemed to be something his best friend wasn’t telling him. His relationship with Felicity also appeared to be a bit off, something else he’d been meaning to bring up with her. Right now, it seemed that besides Laurel-2 - and Oliver could not imagine going to his ex-girlfriend's evil/reformed doppelganger to talk about his wife - Rene was his best bet at understanding what had made Felicity act like she did the other day. “Felicity was the one who shot him.”

Rene’s eyes bugged for a minute, and then he shook his head back and forth slowly. “Wow, hoss. Your wife is a badass.”

“Rene -” Maybe this had been a mistake. “You don’t understand. I had it handled, I was protecting her. He was down and she just - She ran over with this gun that I had no idea she even had - got it from _Anatoly_ , of all people - and she shot him while he was down.”

“Okay, no, I get it. And you know my stance on gun control, Oliver. I don’t have a problem with her having a gun. Hell, after working with you for, what is it, seven years now? She should probably most definitely have a gun. Or at least some way to protect herself. I mean, she was out in the field with us quite a lot, unarmed.”

“But I can protect her. We all protect her. And she isn’t unarmed. She can - and she does - do so much with just her mind and her keyboard. She thinks she’s weak and needs a gun to protect herself, but she isn’t weak. She never was!” Oliver struggled to keep his voice down. He didn’t want Felicity to overhear. But he can’t help but raise his voice against this absurd notion Felicity has that she had to become someone else because she wasn’t strong enough.

“You should tell her that. The part about her never being weak. But the part about you always being there to protect her - I hate to say it, hoss, but you can’t promise her that. You left her, whether you thought it was for her own protection or not - you left her and she felt that she had to do what it took to keep herself safe. And I’m not saying she should be going around shooting people when they’re unarmed. But it sounds to me like she’s just scared, man. She’s having a hard time with everything that happened, and she might try and push you away” - he looked pointedly at the couch this time - “but you shouldn't let her. I’ve been there, and I know you have too. She needs you now more than ever. And she needs you to _show_ her, not tell her, that everything is going to be okay and that you’re there for her, no matter what she had to do or will ever do in future.”

Oliver didn’t say anything for a long moment, thinking over everything Rene had said. His original thought had been to give Felicity some space, like he’d needed to back when they had come home from Ivy Town and she had been worried she had lost herself in their relationship. He figured that if she just took some time to process, she would realize that she may have crossed a few lines trying to get him back, but now that he was home, things could go back to normal. But he was slowly coming to the realization that there wasn’t going to be a normal for them anymore, not after everything that had happened over the past seven months. And that if Felicity was feeling scared and vulnerable right now, the last thing she needed was for Oliver to leave her alone.

“I’m sorry if I overstepped, Oliver.” Rene looked uncomfortable. “And I know I’m the last person to be giving you this kind of advice. But I saw what she went through. She was willing to do anything to get you back - and I mean anything, even things I warned her would be hard to live with - but I don’t think that makes her evil and I don’t think any of less of her because of it. Everything she did, she did for you and your family. And she had to do most of it alone. I think she just needs help processing the trauma she experienced. And she needs you to accept the fact that she feels like she needs to do whatever it is she can to make sure she never feels like she did when you went away again.”

“That’s - that’s really good advice, Rene. Thank you. I didn’t think...I just didn’t think I was leaving her alone, you know? All I was thinking about was protecting her and William. With ARGUS, the team, I was sure they would be safe...I didn’t want her to do what she did, not for me.”

Rene sighed. “I think you should talk to Felicity about that. I did what I could to help her, but the rest of the team, the FBI, even Digg at ARGUS, they weren’t always able - or willing - to help her. As for what she did for you - I think that was her choice. She’ll always choose you, you know that, right? Just like I would have done anything if it was my wife or Zoe.”

Oliver hung his head for a second. “You’re right. I’m - I’m going to talk to her. Thanks again for this” - he gestured to Felicity’s stuff - “and for this” - he gestured between the two of them.

“No problem, hoss.” Rene raised his lips in a half-smile. “Send my best to Felicity. If there’s anything I know, it’s that the two of you will get through this - together.”

Oliver returned Rene’s half-smile and held out his hand for Rene to shake. “‘Night, Rene.”

“‘Night, Oliver.” Rene clasped Oliver’s hand in a firm shake, then let go and turned to walk out the door.

Oliver locked the door behind him and reactivated the alarm. He sighed, trying to process everything. He thinks back to the way he responded to Felicity taking out that gun, to her saying she was weak, to her saying she wasn’t sure what was best for her was best for them. He had been so swept up in himself that he had been shocked to see the way she acted and he hadn’t given her the reassurance she needed. He couldn’t bear the thought of Felicity thinking he wouldn’t want “the new her”. Rene was right, he was going to have to accept what she had done and make sure she knew he was there for her, no matter what. And he was going to have to do that right now.

Oliver walked right passed the couch in long strides, heading straight towards his and Felicity’s bedroom. He opened the door as quietly as he could, as not to spook her, and announced, “Felicity, I’m not sleeping on the couch. Whether you like it or not, we need to finish our talk.”

\-----

Felicity looked up from her tablet, where she was working on some code for her security system. She felt a wave of affection for her husband, like she did every time she saw him after seeing him just once these past seven months, but it was followed by anger and frustration. He had made it clear that he was not happy with the choices she had made while he was in prison, and she was so mad at him for being so hypocritical. She had been so scared while he was gone, but she had known that it was up to her to do whatever it took to stop Diaz and keep her family safe. She hated that Oliver thought he could continue to make decisions without her, decisions that affected her, and not expect her to have changed under the circumstances. And she couldn’t bear the thought that her worst fear - losing Oliver - would come true because of the choices she had made in order to get him back.

She patted the bed next to her, gesturing to Oliver to join her. “I didn’t tell you to sleep on the couch, Oliver. I thought you needed some time alone, to process what I’ve done. What I’ve become. And I’m not going to apologize for what I did. If you can’t accept -”

“No, Felicity!” Oliver interrupted her, sitting down and meeting her glaring gaze. “I made a mistake before. You were right, you’re always right. There is no alone for us anymore and I don’t need any more time apart from you. I reacted badly to what you said before and I want to clarify what I meant. You, Felicity Megan Smoak, are not weak.”

Felicity looked away from Oliver’s beautiful blue eyes. He still didn’t get it. He was trying to tell her that the old her hadn’t been weak. But the old her couldn’t stop Diaz, couldn’t protect herself or William. She shook her head slowly.

  
“Felicity, look at me.” Oliver pleaded, and waited until she reluctantly complied. “You are the strongest person I know. And you’ve always been the strongest person I know. I know why you’re shaking your head, it’s because you don’t believe me. And that’s okay, because I’m not going anywhere and I will keep reminding you of that every day for the rest of our lives if you need me to. Because I know you. And love you. All of you. Always. No matter what you did or what you will ever do. Although, I still think we need to talk about the things you did. Because there’s a line between self-defense and murder, Felicity.”

Felicity let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “But that’s just the thing, Oliver. You left. You left me, and I had to do things alone, things you don’t approve of - even though you’ve done the same, or worse! I don’t think you get that. You think you can just apologize and promise not to do it again, or say sweet things like you just said, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re being a hypocritical ass! So what if I worked with Laurel and Anatoly? So what if I carry a gun? It’s okay for you to work with Malcolm Merlyn to save Thea and it’s okay for you to murder people to save the city but it’s not okay for me to do what it takes to protect my family? To save _our_ family?” Felicity fumed, her eyes filling with tears. She doesn’t think she can take this anymore and she turns to get up, get away.

Oliver grabs her by the hand, not letting her leave. “Okay. Okay, I hear you, Felicity, I promise. Please don’t go. I didn’t - I didn’t mean it like that. Please let me finish. Please?”

Felicity bit down on her lip but gives a curt nod.

“I know you hate it when I say I don’t want you to be like me. I know it sounds hypocritical. And I know you’ve probably heard it from others too - Rene, Laurel. There are some things that are hard to come back from. The things that I did, Felicity...there were days when I didn’t want to go on anymore, couldn’t live with the things I had done. The only thing I had to live for was my father’s mission and I had to hide behind a mask to do it. But then I met you.”

Oliver paused for a minute, and Felicity met his eyes again. She wasn’t sure where he was going with this...but she let him continue.

“Then I met you. You knew what I was like right after I came back from the island - closed off, guarded. The truth is, I was so much worse than what you saw. Nightmares, panic attacks - you name it - I was a walking case of PTSD. But somehow you made it easier. You were my light in the darkness. Just by being yourself, you made me smile. You made everything a little bit easier. And you accepted me, all of me, for what I was. You showed me that there was another way, you showed me how to live again. And even now, coming back from prison - I wouldn’t have been able to make it past this last week without you. The way you handled those reporters, Max Fuller, the rest of the team for me...I can’t even begin to tell you what a difference you make in my life. Like I said, you’re the very best part of me.

“But you know what I see, now, when I look at you? I see the me that came back from the island. The me that felt like I would never be able to stop fighting for my life. And I want to be the person for you now that you were for me back then. I was quick to judge you because I was an idiot. I thought that me being home, admitting that not telling you about the deal with Watson was wrong and promising to never leave you again would fix everything. But I know now that what I did is something we’re both going to have to live with. And I know that no matter what I say or promise, it’s going to take time for you to fully trust me again to protect you. So I want to help you. Please let me help you.”

Felicity took a minute to process his words. Her heart can’t help but soar at the words he uses to describe how she’s helped him and changed his life for the better. And she’s glad he finally understands that an apology isn’t going to cut it. But she’s still not sure she understands what he’s getting at. She tilts her head at him and asks, “What exactly are you suggesting you help me with?”

“I want to train you.”

“What?”

“Train you. In self-defense, like what Digg started teaching you all those years ago. You’re right, you should be able to protect yourself. And if you want to have a gun, that’s fine. I was shocked to see you with one and I overreacted. But let me take you down to a range, show you how to use it properly. I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but you shooting that man while he was down, your constant upgrading of our security system? That’s all understandable and it’s your way of coping after everything that happened. But it’s not all healthy behavior, and I think that deep down you know that. You want to be in control, but the way you’re acting right now is dangerous. You almost killed a man that I had disarmed. Let me train you, let me teach you to have that control, let me help you feel safe and not weak again.”

Felicity considered her husband. She didn’t like that he was calling her out on some of her behavior - which, yes, could probably be defined as overly-obsessive - because honestly, he was one to talk. And she didn’t think he understood that she couldn’t have cared less what happened to the man who had broken into their home. Just like she wouldn’t have lost any sleep over killing Diaz. Probably. But his offer was compelling. It showed her that he understood her need to know she could protect herself, to know that she could rely on herself even if he wasn’t there. “You’re right. I don’t want to talk about that. But...I will take you up on your offer to train me.”

“Great.” Oliver gave her a great, big grin. The kind of smile only she could get out of him. She couldn’t help but return it. “Change into some workout clothes and meet me in the living room in five.”

“Wait, what? You want to start _now_?”

“Mm-hmm. No time like the present, right? Besides, I know for a fact that the code you’ve been working on is perfect. Come on, this will be good for you. You can get out all of your aggression by beating me up.” He winked, turned on his heel and left the room before he could take no for an answer.

Felicity sighed and went to look for some workout clothes. She had to admit, beating up Oliver sounded really appealing right now.

\-----

“Okay, adjust your stance, make sure your feet are about shoulder length apart, left foot forward, lift your right heel, hands up protecting your face...great. Now let’s go through a few more combinations.”

Oliver and Felicity had been at it for about twenty minutes now. He had stripped down to a t-shirt and sweatpants, and Felicity was wearing some pretty tight leggings and a fitted tank top that, quite frankly, were giving Oliver a hard time concentrating on training her. He reminded himself again why they were doing this. Oliver knew he had to do more than just tell Felicity he wasn’t going anywhere; he had to show her. He had to show her that he was okay with her doing whatever it took to protect herself and their family. And what better way to show her that he meant it by teaching her himself. He hoped she would also come to learn that there were other options other than killing unarmed men when it came to defending herself, but that was a conversation he had to table for now. Right now, he was going to start with the basics. He also hoped that the physical activity would help her cope with her fear, along with the other effects the past seven months had had on her, despite the fact that she wasn’t ready to address them right now.

Oliver had found some boxing gloves in a moving box he had come across the other day marked ‘Foundry’. He and Felicity each wore a pair and he had gone over some basic punches with her - jab, cross, hook, uppercut - as well as a few kicks. Now he was talking her through some kickboxing combinations, using himself as the punching bag. He braced himself, gloves out, as Felicity delivered some particularly strong final blows. He smiled at her, feeling a rush of heat in his belly. _Not now_ , he chastised himself, finding it hard to not get turned on by his strong, powerful wife.

“How are you doing? Need a break?” he asked.

“I’m good. Let’s keep going.” Felicity answered, not letting her guard down. Oliver hoped this was helping her.

“Let’s do something a little different. I want to work on your defense, too. I’m going to be attacking you with some punches - _slowly_ \- and I want you to use your whole body to deflect me. Move to the side, squat down, turn your whole body - do whatever you can to protect yourself from getting hit. Remember to always use your hands to protect your face and your arms to protect your stomach, and try not to back yourself into a wall. Okay?”

Felicity nodded, her feet and hands in fighting position. They continued the exercise for a few minutes, and Oliver could see that Felicity was getting the hang of it; sensing where he was coming from and moving out of the trajectory of his punches. Albeit, he was moving slowly, but with enough time and practice, he knew she would only get better. “Good job,” he said, giving her a minute to relax. He took the chance to throw in some advice, even though he knew she wouldn’t take it well. “Sometimes avoiding getting hit makes all the difference. You don’t want to start a fight you can’t finish. If you can, you get out, you run away, you escape.”

Felicity glared at him, opening her mouth to respond. “You -”

He chuckled, cutting her off. “I know, I know. You can’t always get out. Which is why I’m teaching you offensive moves, too. Now let’s do the same thing, but switch positions. You attack me, and I’ll just be on the defense. You don’t have to hold back, okay? Go as fast and as strong as you like. I can take it.”

Felicity seemed a little uncomfortable with this part of the exercise. She threw a few punches, but she was lacking the strength she had been putting into them before.

“Come on, Felicity. Let it out. We were working on using proper form before, but now I just want you to get as many punches in as you can, as strong as you can. Don’t be afraid.” He encouraged her, moving a bit closer.

Her next few moves were stronger. But he wanted her to really have at it. “Great, Felicity,” he urged her on. “Try and think of something that’s really got you angry. Picture it. It’s right here in front of you. Now beat the shit out of it!”

Something he said must have registered with her because he was not prepared for her next blow, a jab straight to the gut. It was quickly followed by a procession of hooks and uppercuts aimed right to the chin, where he was protecting his face with his own gloves. He moved around a bit, deflecting some of her punches, but also letting her get some in. He knew she needed this.

Felicity was mumbling something underneath her breath that he couldn’t quite make out, but whatever it was, it was fueling her aggression. He praised her performance, pushing her to go harder, faster. “That’s it, go on, hit me, harder!”

She obliged, hitting him with more force. She was getting louder now, adorning each punch with another word. “Oliver! You! Left! Me! Alone! Sitting! Duck! For! Diaz! Couldn’t! Protect! William! Have to! Stop! Diaz!”

Oliver froze. He felt his breath catch. Felicity’s eyes were unfocused, she looked like she was almost somewhere else, punching someone else who had hurt her. But he had hurt her too. This was more than just getting her anger out at Diaz. She was letting it out on him. And he deserved it. He stopped trying to deflect her blows, but kept his gloved hands up, covering his face. Felicity continued to attack him, or whatever unseen enemy she was imagining, making him stumble backwards a little bit.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Oliver said, taking blow after blow. “I’m so sorry, Felicity.”

All of a sudden, Felicity stopped her assault. Her eyes, filled with anger and tears, finally focused on him.

And then she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. Hard.

“Felicity?” Oliver sputtered, pulling back. “What are you doing?”

\-----

 _What am I doing?_ Felicity thought.

One minute, she had been innocently trading punches with her husband. But as soon as he had told her to imagine something she was angry at, all she could picture was the last seven months. Oliver lying to her, turning himself in, being sent to prison, leaving her and William in witness protection that hand ended up not being very protective. The next thing she knew, she had been thinking of Diaz and how he had broken in and she had tried to fight him off. She tried, she tried so hard and she couldn’t stop him. Because she was weak, so weak...her anger at Oliver, then Diaz, then herself had fueled her strikes, as she threw hit after hit at her enemy.

And then, from the distance, she heard Oliver say her name, in that special way that only he could. Oliver. She wasn’t fighting some imaginary enemy, not herself, not Diaz - she had been punching Oliver. And it had felt good. Man, she was still so angry at him. But she loved him so much. She had missed him so much. And after spending the past few hours worrying about him leaving her because of what she had done, her stupid, adorable, idiot, loving husband had given her exactly what she needed. So, she did the best thing she could think of doing to show him how she felt - mad, yet head over heels in love. She had attacked his lips.

“Shut up,” she growled, narrowing her eyes at him. “I’m done hitting you. Now I want to fuck you.”

Oliver’s eyes darkened at her words.

“I’m still mad at you, Oliver Queen. But I love you. And I need you.”

Oliver answered her by fusing their mouths back together. She bit at his lower lip, begging entry. Her tongue invaded his mouth, licking and sucking. She pulled away, but only to rip off her tank top and tear down her leggings. “Strip,” she commanded, helping Oliver off with his shirt and pants. Oliver tried to pick her up, likely with the intent to take her to bed, but she resisted. They had made sweet, tender, love the other day. Right now she needed something else. She needed to be in control.

“I need -” she gasped, as Oliver ran his thumbs over her nipples.

“What? Tell me what you need. Tell me where you want me.” Oliver gave her complete control.

Felicity peeled of her sports bra. “Down,” she ordered. Oliver lay back on the carpet they had been using as their training mat, keeping his eyes on her the entire time. She straddled him, feeling his hardness settle against her core. She moved her hips back and forth a few times, making him groan. He lifted his hands back up to cover her breasts, but she pushed him away. Instead, she leaned over him, nipping and sucking at his stomach, torso, and neck, marking a path up from his abs. She flicked her finger over his own nipples and nibbled on his ear.

“Felicity, please -”

She covered his mouth with her own once again, kissing him while grinding down on him, hard. She gripped his cock through his boxers, squeezing him once, then twice. He moaned into her mouth, lifting his hips to meet hers.

Without warning, she yanked his boxers down, pulled her panties out of the way, and lowered herself onto his hardened dick.

“Fuck! Felicity!”

Felicity smirked and pushed herself up. She rode Oliver fast and hard, just like she needed it. His hips slammed into her, his length filled her, hitting her at just the right spot. Oliver moved his hand to where they were joined, but once again Felicity refused to let him take control, moving her own fingers to her clit, rubbing herself in small, fast circles.

She moved faster, up and down, Oliver’s cock sliding in and out of her, brushing past that special spot inside of her over and over again. Oliver’s hips thrust into her, meeting her beat for beat. She rubbed herself quicker, chasing her release, as the heat in her core grew and grew.

“Come for me, Felicity. Let go!” Oliver reached up one last time to touch her, palming her breasts and tweaking her nipples. This time she let him, and the sensation pushed her off the edge as her orgasm overcame her, waves of pleasure coursing through her body. “Oliver!” she cried out as she came. Her pulsating heat contracted around Oliver, who gave one last thrust and then came, spilling inside her.

Felicity collapsed on top of Oliver, too spent to even move off of him.

“Felicity,” Oliver said softly, moving her hair out of her face. “That was incredible.”

“Mm-hmm,” she agreed, still too blissed out to form words.

“But are you - are we okay?” Oliver sounded concerned.

Felicity closed her eyes for a moment, basking in the feeling of her husband underneath her, taking in the smell of sweat and sex. She understood his concern. They had gone pretty quickly from fighting to fucking, and she was pretty sure they had just had what counted as angry sex. They hadn’t really finished their argument, and they both had a whole lot of issues that needed to be addressed eventually. She knew that they would be working through this for the rest of their lives. But as long as they were together, she was sure of one thing.

Felicity lifted her head off of Oliver’s chest so that she could look him in the eye.

“We’re going to be just fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Would love to hear what you think in the comments!


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